Why fight?

This is actually a question that I struggle with and thought it might be time to try and put my thoughts to something more solid.

I started out with martial arts to lose weight (and I have always loved them, just never done them) but something changed inside, I found this desire to push myself and I found that I wanted / want to compete against others, but I don't understand the desire or where it came from.

It is not a desire to compete, but to win, I don't want to get in the ring and lose.
I want to win, I want my opponent to know that they gave it their all and they came up short.

I don't want one fight - I want multiple fights and I want to win all of them.
So with that in mind - Why fight?

Why would I, a computer geek with no martial art experience want to get in the ring?
What is my motivation?


I honestly don't know the answer to the questions, I can't be certain what my reasons are.
I do know that I'm not motivated by finances to look at fighting competitively, at thirty (30) I am probably to old to make a career out of fighting - that and I wasn't born gifted with natural ability and talent in the fight world, so if I wanted a career out of fighting I should have started a LOT earlier.

Maybe it is the feeling of never having tested myself to quote from a Slipknot song (Sulfer) "Stay, you don't always know where you stand, until you know that you won't run away" - maybe that's what it is? I want to know if I will stand or run?

I've never really had a full on fight in my life, I've been attacked on the street and have responded with aggression to resolve the situation but all I have really been doing is looking for a window to escape.
Eg. throw a massive punch with intention to knock someone out, create space and GTFO out of there.

The few 'fights' that I have had, usually resulted from being bullied to the point that I snapped, attacked my tormentors out of anger - then within minutes return to my normal placid self, you probably couldn't really call it a fight either a bit of push, shove and lots of swearing.

Even with my brother I've never really had 'fights' not even play fighting, nor when I played rugby - the few little scuffles where all push and shove.

I've been punched in the face more in sparring practice than I have the rest of my life.

So maybe it is something about wanting to test myself as a fighter, as a man, my courage?

It could be about respect, as a fighter there is a degree of respect given by 'normal' people and other fighters just for stepping into the ring, maybe that's what I desire - that respect?

To go toe to toe with an opponent who is intent on causing me harm, maybe it is the respect that can be gained from them, from the crowd, from my coaches and peers for fighting as clean, crisp and accurate as possible - win, lose or draw. Knowing that I have made my coach, club and team mates proud?

Maybe it is the thrill / fear of the unknown doing something out of character for me and just going with it?
Maybe it is because I have found something I really enjoy and can see more to it than just bag and pad work with training partners?

As I said right at the start - I don't know what motivates me to fight and push myself - I think it is something that I will gradually fill in the blanks for, but right now. It is unknown.

To me it is a strange place to be - to have a desire so strong that I would make sacrifice and push myself as hard as I can for a goal I don't fully understand.

Usually when I have a goal I know the reasons behind it and can use that to keep me motivated, with fighting there is just the burning goal of "I want to fight" nothing really behind it.

It means that when I am sparring / training I have to keep pushing myself hard to achieve this goal, even though I don't understand it.

I have to work harder than the young guys who have the same drive and passion, I have to be better than them and my opponent so I can get into the ring, give it my all and win even if I don't know why I want to be there in the first place.

I need to listen to my coaches, make improvements and continue the journey even when my motivation flags and my mind steps up to question what I am doing there.

Even though I don't understand the reason for the goal, I can say I will be a fighter, I will go toe to toe with my opponent and I will give my all to win.