I am the predator, not the prey

Last nights fight training was hard work, it was hot and sticky inside the gym - I felt the heat a bit, but not enough to be concerned.

The first part of training was movement - something I need to work on and practice until I can move quickly and fluidly around the ring, instinctively.

This was followed by some more movement work with a focus on speed and creating space - again something I am aware that I need to work on.

We then moved into sparring, with only three of us there it was short rounds of intense activity.
First round body sparring, then change partners and head sparring, then rinse and repeat.

One person in the middle constantly two people changing.
I got tagged a few times when I was changing out - then it was my turn in the centre.

I was trying to move and be more aggressive, something I do struggle with - as I am quite a placid and relaxed person, even when getting hit - I'm more frustrated at myself then at my opponent.

By the third round in the centre I couldn't breathe, no air into the lungs and I could feel that my movement had dropped right away - this was confirmed when I started getting swarmed and tagged more.

I could hear my coach, telling me to move, to go one for one, to cover and keep my hands up.
I was trying as hard as I could to keep on pushing, all I wanted was to stop and die in the corner so I could get some air.....

I kept pushing - and getting punched - heard the coach call out 10 seconds left, push hard, dig deep.
So I did - I tried to keep pushing, punching, moving all the while unable to breathe, feeling like I couldn't lift my arms, feeling like my legs weighed 150kg....EACH.

I know I got tagged a LOT because I was tired and kept dropping my hands, my movement slowed to a crawl and my head movement completely stopped.

At the end of the session the coach told me I need to work on my aggression, I'm not a punching bag.
I need to get angry, control it and use it to throw. He also told me that I need to work on being less technical, to be more brawler for the time being so the other skills develop.

He was telling me all of this while I was flat on my back gasping for air at the end of the session.
It took me another thirty minutes to get back to normal, I was still completely spent when I got to the mother in laws for dinner.

Last night I didn't sleep well, I kept analysing the sparring - I could see it from a third person perspective and felt myself screaming out the same things the coach was: "Hands up, move, rush in, circle" I could see very clearly the things I was doing poorly.

The major thing is aggression, I need to be the attacker, I need to put my sparring partner on the back foot and make them move.

A line from a book resonated with me today - "I am the predator, not the prey" from Sam Sheridan's - A fighter's heart. It really is something I need to be. I need to be the predator, I need to stalk my opponent and I need to attack them with intent.

It makes sense - and it is the same thing that my coaches have been saying: "You're not their punching bag" - it is just a different way of saying things.

I think I get it now, I know what I need to do.
Time to work on it and push myself harder than ever before.

Time to get aggressive.